10 Things That Look Ridiculous

turtle backpackerI have been doing a lot of traveling this summer and just spent a week at a family resort for vacation. Here are ten images of tourists and travelers that I wish I didn’t have to ever see again—but probably will.

1. Fat men in “sculpting” Body Glove sunblock shirts

2. Fat women in string bikinis

3. White women over 16 years old with braided corn rows and beads in their hair.

4. Men who wear gold chains to the swimming pool

5. Women who wear gobs of makeup (soon to be running) at the beach

6. “Turtle backpackers” as pictured here—big backpack on the back, almost as big one on the front. (Yes, I was occasionally guilty of doing that at times before I learned to pack better).

7. People wearing Bluetooth headsets on their ear and talking into the air loudly. (Or wearing them while they’re eating with someone else in a restaurant—even worse.)

8. People who text message while walking (and colliding)

9. Men with big guts wearing skimpy Speedos

10. Large groups of adults who are not on a sports team wearing matching T-shirts at the airport.

airport waiting

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  1. Marie Javins

    Gotta admit, the turtle thing helps with balance.

  2. Ch\

    He he… those are some visuals I won’t get out of my mind for a while, thankyouverymuch!!

  3. bryan SFO

    He he so funny. And as someone who used to live in a veggie co-op, let me further warn you: corn rows on non-black people equal lots of smelliness. Something about the oily white scalps, i dunno.

  4. jamie

    Such snarkiness! I love it!

    Is this list really complete without Crocs though? I think not.

  5. tim

    I was really tempted to put the Crocs on there (for adults), but stopped at 10…

  6. Notatourist

    Please add to your list:

    White People trying to go local by wearing what they perceive to be the fashion of the place they are visiting.

    As an example, dumb fat Laowai women in China wearing traditional Cheongsam.

  7. Cristina

    oh no, the fat lady in bikini…HORRIBLE!!!

  8. Nuno Lagoa

    While I am bound to agree with *some* of these, you will also have to agree that most of these really have more to do with (yep, you) being a bit snotty than anything else.
    I’m talking specifically about 3, 4, 6, 7, 8, 9 and 10.

  9. Marvin

    Uh-oh, looks like you hit a nerve with someone. I’m picturing a woman with braided corn rows talking loudly into a Jawbone headset. Not a pretty picture.

  10. Renato

    They may be ridiculous but I will miss them if they weren’t there.

    It’s good that you can spot (and avoid) some tourists very easily… so sometimes I am more than glad that they all were the same t-shirt or have braided corn rows…

  11. ML Harris

    I think tourons should have to wear something outrageously loud, like prison jumpsuits anyway. It would make picking authentic restaurants easier.

  12. Heg

    Isn’t it that it takes all kinds to make the world?
    Good for you you got to travel, I hope you enjoyed the sites, local food, culture etc ;)

  13. Ricky Poole

    Tim, you’re a complete d-bag.

    #1, 2, and 9: Your insecurities about your own weight have no bearing on others’ choice of clothing. If a fatty wants to wear a thong, that’s their prerogative.

    #3: You, sir, are a racist. Nothing wrong with a black person sporting corn rows, but a white woman? Oh, no! She went to Jamaica and let those Negroes touch her! What the hell’s wrong with you?

    #4: Perhaps their jewelry isn’t as craptastic as yours. Perhaps it won’t turn their skin green in 0.000002 seconds. Perhaps you should pull your head out of your .

    #5: It’s called waterproof makeup. That, and maybe they’re not there to swim, but just to sit around drinking at the beach.

    #6: Not everyone is a seasoned traveler, and if you are forced to put everything in a backpack (but don’t know how to pack well), that pic of yours is the result. Big deal. Pull the corn cob out of your .

    #7: They’re not talking to the air, they’re talking to another person. Also, people on cell phones are loud. Period. You, me, everyone. Nobody speaks at a normal volume on any cell phone, because cell reception sucks everywhere.

    #8: I (somewhat) agree here. People that can’t multitask deserve to walk into buildings while texting (or chewing gum). That is the price of stupidity. What’s your excuse?

    #10: Have you ever tried keeping a large group together at an international airport? I agree, these people look silly, but if one of them gets lost, it’s much easier to spot someone when they’re wearing the same thing as you.

    I hope you’ve enjoyed my list as much as I’ve enjoyed yours. I shall not be returning here, so save the responses intended to incite flame war, as I will not be seeing them.

  14. Ricky Poole

    I don’t know why the second half of my post has strikes through it, nor do I care. I just wanted to say I didn’t (intend to) do it.

  15. paresh

    nice list, thanks for sharing.

  16. Guy in blue shirt

    Hey, that’s me!

  17. Anders Robichaud

    @Ricky – I’m with you dood. The author is obviously far too busy observing and judging others to experience any travel-related personal development.

  18. Isa

    Racist, Ricky? God, you’re a tool.

    The fact that white women look bad in corn rows has more to do with hair type than anything else.

  19. Isa

    Furthermore… I don’t think he said anything about ‘letting those Negroes touch her.’ You’re the one reading that into the comment… so what does that say about you?

  20. dav0995

    When I first read no.9 I thought it said ‘men with big nuts shouldn’t wear speedos’ which I think should be on the list as well lol.

  21. Zakk

    Segway to the guys in the blue shirts; Guys that wear matching blue shirts, and try to offset their gayness by wearing assorted hats that are generically manly.

  22. Suz

    Ok, but seriously… anyone who isn’t an olympic swimmer wearing a men’s speedo suit looks rediculious. Especially when it’s SKIN COLORED!!

    And anyway, if you’ve been watching, the olympians don’t wear speedos anymore either! It’s SO 1970…

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